Depression and Other People

At the encouragement of a friend who thinks I should keep speaking up about the subject, I'm continuing to write about depression. So if this turns out to be a terrible idea, you can blame Kevin. I know I will.

It is somewhat humorous to me to try and speak confidently about depression, mainly because a core feature of the illness is a pathological lack of self-confidence. When I was thinking about writing this blog, I tried to think about what would happen if a bunch of depressed folks decided to throw a fundraiser for depression awareness and research. I think there would be a lot of difficulty figuring out who would speak to people about the event, because no one would feel all that confident about it. Random thought for the day.

My suspicion, albeit a biased one, is that depression makes social interactions between the depressed party and other people strained on both ends to say the least. I think it is an understandable position to avoid dealing with people who have depression. I do not think people do this because they dislike depressed people, but because it is frustrating to try and have a good time with someone who is constantly at risk to have a meltdown or sink into a funk. It's just easier to hang out with people we know are going to be chill, not create drama, and take things for what they are. I try not to begrudge people who cannot deal with difficult people, but I think it is a real shame sometimes for a few reasons.

Many of the most brilliant minds the world has ever seen were depressives. Even David of biblical fame is suspected to have suffered from depression. (Just read Psalm 102, it reads like a list of symptoms from the DSM) Insight and art often come from a place of deep reflection and seriousness that, for whatever reason, seems to co-habitate with the same tendencies that cause depression. Without sounding full of myself, one of the things I am most proud of is being able to think and feel deeply about the things going on around me. I love seeing meaning in things. Unfortunately, this can be a bit overwhelming for the old synapses. It can also be difficult to converse with people when there is a lot going on in the old noggin and you don't know how to shut it down and just respond to whats in front of you. A pretty common feature in depression is that we tend not to listen very well, which I think is one of the most tragic parts of the whole disease. I really want to be able to hear and process what other people are thinking and feeling without over analyzing it and having my own thoughts interject. I love people, I really do, yet I can come off as rude sometimes because I'm in my head all the time.

This all sounds a bit weird, but what I am trying to do with posts like these is paint a picture for those of you who have never had a mental disorder of some of the make up our realities. I hope it is helpful for someone who wants to understand this disease better. For my part, I hope to continue sharing as honestly as I can about an issue I care a great deal about. I hope to have some good discussions with folks through this blog about anything you want to know about, or questions you may have, so please feel free to e-mail or comment on the posts themselves.

Peace,
Phil

philagan@gmail.com