Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) is a martial art that has gained a lot of popularity since the 1990's, when it was used to great effect by Royce Gracie to dominate the early UFC tournaments. Perhaps due to its usage in the mixed-martial arts world, BJJ is associated with the more competitive aspects of martial arts, but for me, it's been a window into a better understanding of myself and others. It has improved my life physically, mentally, and spiritually in ways I can't completely understand. But I felt inspired by the following video to share some of my experiences. Here, Rener Gracie talks about using BJJ to solve bullying problems in school.
As I told one of my BJJ instructors yesterday, I had not been a physically active person in a very long time when I started training. At the age of 27 I was not as healthy as I felt like I should be, and I was tired of feeling like crap about it. A year and a half later, that has definitely changed. But, more importantly, BJJ has helped me deal with some issues that have bothered me since I was a kid.
I was bullied a lot as a kid, and it killed my self-esteem. I remember very clearly being in fifth grade and getting beat up by a bully on the playground. A kid threw me on the ground and hit me, then held me down while a girl kicked me. It was humiliating and made me feel inferior. I've carried that with me for a long time. In middle school, a group of kids threw me down a hill, then held me down and beat me up again during recess. These were "good kids" in the eyes of others, and I remember feeling so awful about myself because no one stood up for me. I wasn't very popular, and I internalized that as I grew up.
I remember telling my teachers about bullying incidents, but this only made it worse for me. From then on I felt like I couldn't handle my own problems, and other kids ostracized me because the only way I could deal with conflict was to tattle-tell. It's no wonder I've had self-esteem problems my whole life.
BJJ changed my life not only by making me more physically fit, but by changing how I see myself in relation to others. When you are routinely grappling with people who are bigger and stronger than you, and surviving, it changes your mindset. I am no where near being a competitive BJJ player, but I feel like I can survive and keep myself from being harmed against an untrained opponent. That level of confidence alone changes the level of confidence I bring to interacting with other people in a variety of situations.
In the film Red Belt, the main character provides an excellent insight on conflict.
"Everything has a force. You embrace it or deflect it. Why oppose it?"
Rener Gracie says something very similar in the Bully Proof promotions when he says that BJJ teaches people to fight fire with water, instead of more fire. This is a core concept in BJJ, that if we try to meet strength with strength, we are leaving too much to chance. Instead, we use technique, leverage, and our knowledge to escape and reverse a situation. This is a huge life lesson that, to me, can only be taught through experience. In the relative safety of the school, or barra, we experience what it is to be threatened, to lose, and to stop using direct force to deal with the threat. It is a lab for life.
I've noticed a huge difference in how I deal with things, and how I respond to things, since taking up BJJ. I realize, most of the time, that responding to insults and offenses by getting angry and offended is absolutely pointless. Understanding the situation and changing the terms so that everyone can learn something, or at the very least, removing myself from harms way, has been a much less stressful way to go about my business. I'm still getting better at this (I'm a white belt in more ways than one), but the difference has already been huge.
Spiritually, BJJ has given me an awareness that is very difficult to explain. When you are grappling, or rolling, with someone, you have to be present without over-asserting your will over the situation. There is an ebb and flow of action and reaction, and I feel at my best when I am mindfully waiting for my opportunity to act, and acting quickly when it arises. This helps in my faith walk tremendously. In Christianity, and any other spiritual discipline, it is easy to get caught up in the determinism vs free will argument. The practice of BJJ, however, has revealed a complimentary relationship between choice and non-choice for me. Just like in the gym, there are opportunities to act in our lives, but there may only be a one or two "good" choices at a given time. The more we practice, the more natural those choices become, until they are such a part of ourselves that we simply "do" instead of "decide".
All of this is simply to say that BJJ, as a discipline, is an enormous benefit to my life. I'd like to encourage anyone who is struggling with their physical fitness, their state-of-mind, or anything else to take a look at it. If you are a parent of a child who is suffering from bullying or just poor self-esteem to look for a BJJ school that will work with them. Rener's system, Bully Proof, is well organized and has generally been well received, so I might start there (I have no skin in the game on this one, I'm just a believer). However, there are tons of BJJ schools out there with lots of approaches, so take a look and see what you like. Speaking from my experience, though, if a kid is being bullied, you need to equip them to deal with it because they will carry it with them well into adulthood.
BJJ will push you and challenge you in ways you will not be able to predict. It requires discipline, humility, openness, humor, and respect. But the returns are exponential.
~Phil
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