To Judge is to Lose

So yesterday we had an interesting conversation in Sunday School about judgment. While we ended up talking about whether or not it is "okay" to judge others, this was not the topic I found myself drawn towards. Instead, I was thinking about an earlier inquiry we as a class were making into why people do not pursue some of the more creative and bold ideas they have in their lives. My suggestion was that it was because other people, and especially those we are close to, provide a prohibitive function towards truly creative living through the judgments they make. It's just too mentally taxing for a person to try and live creatively without the knowledge that the people in their life are going to be providing unfaltering encouragement.

Perhaps the reason we are so amazed as a culture when someone does something unique is that it seems like they had to do it on their own. When someone lives in intentional poverty their entire life to demonstrate solidarity with the poor, we can't believe it and think they must be special, but the truth is it takes community, which is the antithesis of judgment.

I have never known anyone who has improved their lives, accomplished a goal, or really done anything that was the direct result of having judgment in their lives. Constructive criticism? Yes, but that is different. Having people who are not afraid to talk to you and let you know that what you are doing is not getting you where you want to go is different than judgment. We all lose when we judge, because we inevitably think of others as lesser than rather than seeing them as people of value just like ourselves.

We say that judgment is unavoidable. It's not entirely true. The feeling of disapproval is unavoidable, but there is a difference between thought and action. One of the great things about being human is that we have been gifted with he incredible tool of reason, and should be expected to use it less to prove how right we are and more as a partner to our own hearts. When we allow a feeling to control us without our brain checking in to tell us "is this necessary, is this loving, is this who I want to be" we usually lose out. We lose out because we don't take the time to step back and be intentional about our lives. I love the word intention, because it suggests I am not a slave to whims and whimsies, but can elect to take actions that will move me towards maturity and grace or not.

The problem is that this takes practice. It takes a lot of practice, and I am learning everyday. The last year has been the best teacher I've ever had in terms of showing just what I'm capable of for both good or ill, but I'm learning, and it is a source of comfort.

Here's the thing about judgment. It doesn't just hurt the person we judge, but it shuts us off and in turn hurts us too. To judge is to be certain, and that is something we can never be as humans. We like to be certain about everything. Money, jobs, relationships, our fantasy baseball team, anything. This however, is a fallacy. Just because we label something with a term of certainty doesn't mean it is set in stone, and we have to learn to live in that tension. We have to accept that that money, that dream job, that person, that bacon cheeseburger might not be there like we think it will. In the end, you control nothing outside yourself, and even that is a chore. Its tough to accept, but it is freeing. Knowing you can care about people without believing they should respond this way or that takes the pressure off. Knowing you can only do what you can do in one day makes a job ten times less stressful. Knowing you don't control the outcome of every college football game means you can be a fan without becoming a nut job.

Knowing that your judgment will not change the course of some one's life means you can become a friend instead of turner-away. Now, the hard part is actually doing it, and I'm a hypocrite just like everyone else here, but I'm trying my best.

"Put others' rights before your own feelings, and others' feelings before your own rights" - Coach John Robert Wooden.