Financially I made a bit of a splurge and spent $25 on a garment bag and duffle bag for the trip to make sure there would be enough room in the car for everyone's stuff. Also, I spend $5 on fod for the day, but ate breakfast here and made a lunch to save money (by made lunch I mean packed a lean cuisine, which was surprisingly not awful).
I still haven't recovered enough to run, so I'm going to try and run in the morning before we head out tomorrow afternoon. It sounds like I'm slacking, but honestly the sudden fever Tuesday night wiped out all my reserves. I even packed running clothes for the trip, and plan on making one good run near the grand canyon. And yes, pictures will be involved.
I didn't really encounter any situations I could approach negatively, but I did have some opportunities to practice patience in my interactions with others, and I think I did pretty well. I didn't try to maneuver or manipulate anyone into getting my own way, at least not that I was aware of, and there are at least a couple of times I could probably have done so. I'm thinking tonight about the idea of putting others first vs. being a doormat.
I have been accused of being a doormat a lot in my lifetime, but I've always wondered how that was different from just being nice to others. I've realized recently that being a doormat and being kind are actually mutually exclusive. Demanding your own way and letting people walk all over you, on the other hand, involve similar emotions. In both cases you are angry that someone might get their way instead of you, but in the former, you are proactively a jerk about it, while with the latter, you're just quietly pissed and resentful about it, which is no less being a jerk because you are not being honest with people. Instead, you hold resentment towards someone but try to pretend you are a bigger person. That is not true.
When we put others ahead of ourselves, it should be because doing so gives us pleasure, or I daresay, some sense of joy. It is difficult at times, but I think that it is better to step away from a situation than to let someone walk all over you and then be upset about it. When I am at my "doormat best", neither the people around me or myself are actually very happy for very long. It creates tension in relationships and sooner or later than turns ugly.
So what should happen when dealing with my wants/needs and those of others. I think the "you can't be all things to all people" maxim is actually pretty true. To be able to serve others, I have to know when I can commit to the needs of others and seize the moment and know when I'm just giving in to someone else's whimsy. There is a difference between willingly giving yourself to another/others and just capitulating to demands to keep the peace. To paraphrase the late and brilliant Thomas Merton, acts of love done simply to keep the loyalty of others are not love, but selfishness. That is a haunting revelation but also a helpful one. It is not just what we do, but the attitude driving it that determines how well we deal with others. I'm not saying that waiting until you are a saint to be unselfish is a good idea, but I am suggesting that understanding that there may be no visible reward for good deeds is important.
So what have I learned today? As always, I am learning that this spiritual journey is also a practical one, and that it is not clearcut. I know where I want my heart and hands to be, but I'm working on getting there and learning to enjoy the journey there.
Peace and God Bless.
No comments:
Post a Comment